The end of another year

2008 has been quite a year, and I'm thrilled to be entering 2009, the year in which I will officially gain a daughter. We're quietly celebrating the new year at home with pizza, tiramisu, and Guitar Hero, and I'm excited to think that next year we'll more than likely be doing the same, only with her in our arms.

It's the most wonderful time

I like to think of all the things that this baby gets to experience while in the womb. Not like the actual sensations of being in there, but rather everywhere I take her. She's already been to Florida. She has been scrubbed into a surgical gown with her host wrist-deep in a dog's abdomen. And now she's attending her first Christmas Celebration Extravaganza (having so many families to visit calls for a formal title).

Not being religious I don't view this holiday as a celebration of any single person's birth and miraculous life, but rather more like an additional Thanksgiving--but BETTER. These two days are when I can go out and see every family member that has been there for my entire life and spend some time with them. We share a meal and (while not with everyone) we exchange gifts. Gifts, to me, are a way of saying "thank you for everything this past year." Of course there are some gifts to give out of obligation, but 98% of the time it's with genuine appreciation.

I wish there was a gift that showed Art and this unborn baby how much I love them, how much that love consumes me. I am so thankful to be spending this--our first married Christmas--together and expecting such an amazing addition to our little family. I love them so much. And I love this time of year: the extra kindness in people, the decorations, and heck...even the snow (for now!).

28 week photo

The comments I get from clients at work on my pregnant status have been amusing so far. From an exaggerated gasp to squeals of delight, it's certainly a conversation starter. I really like when I get tidbits of advice or encouragement. A new mom told me to start lifting weights now so I won't struggle as hard with the infant car seat. Another woman, after sighing reminiscently, said how much she loved nursing her babies--how precious their little hands are when they rest it on your chest during those priceless quiet moments. So far I've only had good conversations and I really appreciate all of them. It's making this final countdown all the more exiting for her big arrival!

3D Ultrasound

It was absolutely worth the money! Talk about a window into the womb, my goodness!

26 week photo

I feel her all the time now. And seeing her move is just the icing on the cake. I'm sure all this movement will get tiring when space is more limited, but for now I'm really enjoying the show.

Those budgies sure are starting to look a little funny though :)

No thanks, stirrups are for horses

I'm so happy I'm delivering with a midwife. So happy, happy, happy...

We did the hospital tour tonight and it went really well. The room you stay in after delivery is huge and comfy and they 100% encourage rooming-in with the baby, so that won't be a battle. In fact, the baby never has to leave your sight, which is even better. I did get all freaked out in the delivery room seeing how the bottom part of the bed drops away for the stirrups to come up, and then I remembered that I'll be delivering with a midwife. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I want to be in any position but on that bed with my feet propped up in the air, and these ladies will encourage me to deliver in any way I feel comfortable.

So, that was an exciting evening. And even though they were very full and busy right now, there were only like two babies in the nursery to oogle at; the rest were all staying with their moms :)

Moving: limbs and furniture

She moved for both of my parents for the first time today. She's in a new position with whatever appendage out on my right side, just underneath my ribs. Both of them were able to feel it one after another, and my mom couldn't stop talking about it the rest of the day. Later in the afternoon I was resting on the couch and I could SEE the movement, very clearly, from the outside. I wish I had a video camera within arm's reach; I could have easily captured it. Regardless, it was still very exciting.

The bedroom that will eventually be hers is really coming together too. Art's desk and the bulk of the audio gear he doesn't need any more has been disassembled and moved down to the garage to be sold. The armoire has been moved from the dining room and into that room; the reptiles have been moved from that room and into the dining room; the futon and armoire have been rotated around that room into the positions that they will remain; the holes in the wall and ceiling have been patched and painted (though the ceiling needs to be touched up with the right color white); and her clothes have been moved from our closet and organized into the armoire.

Now we just need to finish up organizing the rest of his audio gear, acquire the crib and changing table (and go through the joys of assembling them), and get some decorations up on the walls so it's not so bare! I'm feeling much better now that this all has been accomplished.

Oh yeah, and this all happened in the past 72 hours. We've been busy.

En utero musical theater

I've decided to perform a musical experiment. One of the vets I work with, Dr. Judy, bought us a CD set of lullabies, half of which are beautiful instrumentals which I really don't mind listening too. In hopes of having these songs actually do something with the baby on the outside, I've decided to play them to her on the inside. I've heard of things like this before; dads saying the baby's name all sing-song-y frequently to the belly and having the baby respond to the same intonation once born. So, why not? If I can have her respond peacefully to these songs being played quietly, it will be worth it.

I feel kind of silly sitting at the computer with headphones on my abdomen, but Art thinks it's a decent idea too, and he's the only one that would ever see this. I'm also making sure not to play the music when she's still--only when she's active--so I'm not disturbing whatever sleep pattern she's developed in there.

24 week photo

Well, there's no hiding it any more!

No more tears

Pregnancy hormones? Yeah, you. Can you stop making me so sensitive now? I escaped the whole first trimester and now most of the second without having ridiculous emotional side effects, but now a handful of times in the past week I've cried when only mildly upset, then become so embarrassed and frustrated at the fact that I was crying that I cry some more. What a vicious cycle! Then Art grounds me, or I get a reassuring kick from inside, and the mean circle of tears is broken. And while I still feel like a fool, at least I have an excuse :)

An extra look inside!

Tonight's midwife appointment was awesome! Art came with, finally getting to meet at least the one of them, so that was the start of the greatness. It was followed up by getting to borrow a really great book about birthing.

And the absolute icing on the cake was when I asked if she could do a quick scan with the ultrasound machine to double-check me growing a miniature vagina in there, and she spent a good 10 minutes double, triple, and quadruple checking that itty bitty vulva's presence, as well as getting great shots of her face (both profile and straight on), showcasing all her tiny body parts, and just letting us enjoy watching all the activity in there. I freaking LOVE these midwives!

The first photo is the wonderfully creepy face shot straight-on. And here's a look at her little thigh beefing up, along with a peek at her "hamburger" (as opposed to a boy's "hot dog").

22 week photo

Following along what month I'm in has always seemed to escape me. I can't believe that I've already completed five and am in my sixth. That just sounds so crazy!

Listen careful

We heard the baby move a few nights ago. I borrowed a stethoscope from one of the veterinarians at work and we've been fooling around trying to catch a little listen of perhaps the heartbeat. While she's probably still too small or not in the quite right position to catch that, we did hear her wiggling up a storm. Not only could I feel it and hear it, but Art could feel it from the outside while listening too. Next week we have another midwife appointment--the first one that Daddy will be able to attend--and we'll get to go over the results of the ultrasound. I attended an awesome baby expo last weekend, we updated our registry, I can feel her moving daily now...This is beginning to feel really real :)

Happy Halloween!

What's better than being a skeleton for Halloween? Being a pregnant skeleton, of course! And what's better than being a pregnant skeleton all by your lonesome? Being a pregnant skeleton with your skeleton husband and skeleton dog!

It's a shame the cockatiels couldn't be skeletons too :)

Twins, the mammary kind

Something I'm still not used to? Under-boob cleavage. It still doesn't occur when standing or sitting up straight, but if I slouch when seated, the soon-to-be milk jugs rest on my belly. It is such a strange skin-on-skin contact to have never experienced before!

20 week photo

At least my belly will be more tan now as I grow!

Our Florida vacation was wonderful, though it was a bit odd walking around in a bikini in this "in between" belly stage. Is she fat? Pregnant? Well, with my mom by my side, at least everybody we had any casual interaction with knew for sure I was, when my due date is, and that it's a girl :) Think she's excited?

Kicked with love

I'm getting kicked right now from the inside. It's the most amazing feeling to know it so distinctly. She's very much head down, as she was at the ultrasound, and tucked off to my left. Every time I feel her now it's almost involuntary that I stop and experience each motion. I love it. I love her. I love Art. And I love what we're growing together.

Maybe those hormones are kicking in after all :)

The ultrasound!

The whole ultrasound experience was truly unreal. I had NO idea how impressive this technology is until seeing it in real life! We had a student technician that took her time, explained everything we questioned, and took wonderful still shots and printed them for us. As she was traveling through the measurements we all got a clear shot of the baby spread eagle, no penis in sight, and the perfect vertical line between her legs indicating a vagina. By the time the certified technician came in to verify all the measurement, she had politely closed her legs around the cord, so nothing could be seen. We all knew was we saw though, and I promptly went out the next day and bought a handful of adorable little girl outfits that weren't all pink and frills, since I know that oodles of that is bound to get gifted.

I'm still blown away by all the things that could be seen inside there. We saw her swallowing, sucking her thumb, kicking, wriggling, arching her back, and just being incredibly active in there. The checked various measurements, her kidneys, the four chambers of the heart, and different ventricles in the brain. I can't wait to do a 3D one closer to Christmas so we can see her again!

18 week photo

I knew I hit a growth spurt within these past few weeks, but my goodness! I actually look pregnant in street clothes now!

Awaiting, nesting, rocking...

It's October, the month in which I reach half way. I can't believe it's fall, let alone fast approaching the time in which we find out if I'm growing a girl-child or a boy-child (12 days and counting!). I'm feeling the same mysterious feelings down in my uterus, along with a handful of other interesting sensations. I'm still eagerly awaiting to see what they'll turn into.

I have begun some small nesting projects, which makes me feel a bit better about otherwise having prepared nothing so far. I've got extra shelves hung in the closet, a drawer in the nightstand cleared out with the diaper covers moved in, and part of a shelf in the hall closet cleaned off too. While that amounts to really not a whole lot of storage, every little bit helps, and I've also begun researching a toy/book shelf something-or-other to go out in the living room.

Also, I asked my mom if we could borrow her rocking chair. It turns out that the rocking chair was the very first present my dad gave to her as a married couple--given as a Christmas present in 1982. She fed me for the first time in that chair, rocked me every night in that chair, and now we're going to borrow it to rock this peanut in. That chair is going to really hold a lot of memories!

16 week photo

I'm still in shock over how quickly time has been moving. Sixteen weeks just sounds crazy to me!

My visible uterus! And feeling movements to boot!

I've been able to palpate the edges of my uterus since around 10 weeks, and while I definitely feel thicker around the middle (despite no actual weight gain yet), I still feel like I look more food-belly than baby-belly.

Well, to my surprise, when I woke up this morning--just a day shy of 16 weeks--and stretched in bed I could SEE my uterus. When I lay on my back, lift my butt up off the bed/floor, and "suck in" a bit, it becomes so obvious. So, of course after yelling for Art to come take a look, I captured a picture :)

Taken from my chest level, looking down...



And now, on top of that excitement, I've been feeling what I'm chalking up to be fetal movements these past few days. I only notice them randomly when I'm quiet and still, but I can't imagine these quivers/taps could be anything else. Last night Art and I spent some time on the couch quietly laying with his hand on my belly, and we both felt the same quiver/tap in the same spot to the right. I'm convinced it was the baby :)

Ultrasound is scheduled!

I scheduled the ultrasound today--exactly one month from now on October 15th. I'll be 19 weeks and 2 days along by then, so we'll get to determine the sex! I'm so excited to get to see in there and view what's growing, and I'm so excited to have Art by my side for it too. Just the week prior to that will be the first midwife appointment he'll be able to come to and the first time he'll hear the heartbeat in person. Things are definitely starting to feel even more real!

14 week photo

Here we go: the second trimester!

Officially 1/3 done

And here I am entering the second trimester. I can't believe the time has flown by so quickly and we're now a third of the way to parenthood. It's so incredibly scary and utterly exciting simultaneously; the result is just mind blowing. The words to describe this level of anticipation are very difficult to find, especially when they get muddled with so much mushy love stuff.

I feel like we're both on the same page with just about everything imaginable. So far this has been an awesome experience.

12 week photo

And so here I am at 12 weeks. (Well, "technically" 12 weeks and 3 days now, but I'm still going by my original calculations.) That magic number 12 is finally here, and oddly I haven't been nervous or looking forward to it nearly as much as I was way back at 6, maybe even 8 weeks. Now my next goal is to feel this lime-sized fetus, though he/she will probably be between turnip and heirloom tomato then.


Oh, and my uterus has now stretched to the size of a freaking softball. How crazy is that? I can also easily palpate it. The top is just about in line with where the bottom part of the wing meets budgie body on my tattoos.

Thoughts of the future

Everything has turned into family planning, and I love it. Everywhere we go, everything we buy, every place we decide to shop turns into, "this will be great when..." Hopefully we'll be able to keep up with our ideas of going to the drive-in movie theater, walking around downtown St. Charles, and shopping at the local farm for produce.

Well worth the wait

My first midwife appointment yesterday was incredible. I am so glad I waited to meet with these women. Liz was kind and gentle and it was the most perfect appointment I could ever ask for.

It started off with oodles of questions, both from me and her. Her side was mostly getting my history, etc., while my side was encouraged to make sure we were a good fit. I found out I can labor in the tub or shower, or basically anywhere I darn well please. Every answer to every questions was perfect. And then the magic happened.

Though I had to wear the paper gown (since I was about to have the full physical anyway), I got to hear the baby's heartbeat on the doppler. Not that I'm happy that Art wasn't able to attend, I'm so thankful to have it recorded. I listen to it all the time now as a fantastic reminder of the amazing things happening inside there.

My physical exam checked out great too. I had a pap (results pending, though I know it'll be normal), my cervix is high (good!), blue (also good!), and covered in nice mucous (gross, but good...yay, plug forming!). She palpated my uterus and helped me to feel it too, and it IS what I've been feeling all along. "Yep, you're 10 weeks alright!" is what she said as soon as she felt in there.

So, based on the first day of my last menstrual period, the due date is March 9th. Based on when I might have ovulated, it could be as late as March 12th. She made a note of my possible ovulation, but we're sticking with the first date. Not that a timer's going to go off and everything's going to suddenly be done cooking "on time," but it's a fun goal to work toward.

This all feel so much more real now that I have that rhythmic "thump thump thump" to listen to.

Heartbeat!

That was simply amazing!

25% complete

I can't believe that here I am at 10 weeks. There's only 40 weeks in this game, and that leaves us at 25% of the way through this incredible journey. My first midwife appointment is this afternoon and I'm crossing my fingers that I get to hear the heartbeat with the doppler.

I've also been feeling strongly domestic lately. I cooked an awesome dinner of homemade guacamole, along with chicken and pepper fajitas, which all turned out awesome. We baked oatmeal raisin cookies. I sewed a baby quilt with cotton flannel and then a grab ball with the scraps. I planted an iris from my aunt in our garden. And I just now finished baking zucchini bread that has left delicious smells throughout the entire house.

I wish the cleaning/organizing half of being nesty would kick in, but for now I'll enjoy that I'm enjoying the rest of these things so much.

10 week photo

Now I'm seriously wondering if I'm bloated (which I don't FEEL like I am at all) or if this is truly the start of something here. Hmph!

Copping a feel of my uterus

I'm 9 weeks on the dot, and I'm 99.9% sure that I have officially felt my uterus for the first time. I love palpating abdomens, what with me having to do it daily at work for various reasons, but my skills are in animal bellies, not human. But after feeling around and a bit of research, this must be it.

Right above my pubic bone I can feel something that's comparable to a small orange. I can feel the top front quarter of it, and to prove I'm not crazy I had Art feel around there too and he confirmed. Every time I emptied my bladder today I had the urge to lie on my back and feel around for it. And I did, a lot. Poor fetus (yes. fetus! no longer an embryo!) was getting bounced around with all the pokes and prods from our happy hands!

Going to see the midwife...Eventually

I am so anxious for my first midwife appointment. I had originally booked one at Midwest Midwifery down in Addison, but unfortunately their practice was bought by some OBs, and I really don't desire standard medical care. I'm low-risk, totally normal and healthy, and I was the absolute best opportunity to do this my way, so I'm set on a midwife. So, the day I had my scheduled appointment I showed up, was pulled into a room by the receptionist, and secretly given the phone number to where some of the midwives there will now be practicing.

It's probably for the best since they'll be seeing all appointments at either Alexian Brothers or St. Alexis, both of which are extremely local. I was just dying to ask my oodles of questions (that are all neatly written our in a little notebook) and it was very frustrating to have that delayed. The appointment's rescheduled for this week Thursday at least, and they'll be pulling blood then instead of having to send me out to a lab, which is also nice. I'll just keep hoping for the best with everything (first trimester, can you be over yet?) and hopefully get answers to all of the queries I have in regards to my future!

8 week photo

Bloat or the beginning of a belly? Either way, I'm starting to feel a bit rounder. I know I'll laugh at this in 30 weeks when I'm the size of a house.

...Like burning

It's a sad day when a bland dinner of rice, corn, and chicken results in killer heartburn. Oi! Pretty soon water will cause a flare up!

The incredible edible...embryo

I have an embryo the size of a blueberry inside my uterus. A blueberry! I'm not sure why that's so exciting, but it really is. I'm eager for the next step--an olive--but not as eager as I am to get out of this darn worrisome first trimester.

Mammary tissue gone wild

I bought a new bra last night. The normal ones I wear just weren't cutting it, and I was down to using just one old one I'd found that was working. I'm completely filling, nearly spilling over, this brand new C cup now, which I find just a bit silly. I'm scared of what the girls are going to grow into in the coming months!

So THAT'S how you figure it out

At my sister-in-law's house last week my wonderful five year old niece, Kaitlyn, decided to inform me of something very important:

"When the baby's born, you have to look and see if it has a wiener. If it has a wiener, it's a boy. And if it doesn't have a wiener, it's a girl. So you have to look so you'll know what you can name it, okay?"

Got it, Kate, I'll be sure to check :)

6 week photo

Second verse, same as the first. Quite literally. I haven't gained a pound, nor have I been feeling terribly bloated lately. Every now and again dinner hits me wrong, but daytime has been kind to me. I'm interested to see when there will actually be a physical change outside of my rock-hard boobs.

The first hint of stomach upset

A few waves of nausea came over me today. Nothing serious enough for me to think I was going to lose my breakfast, but definitely enough for me to stop, think, take a breath, and grab a sip of water or a Tic Tac. I'm glad I had so many years of dull nausea as a kid that I learned to use Tic Tacs to cope. They still calm my stomach quickly and easily. Hopefully this isn't the start of something much worse as far as "morning" sickness goes; working would be very difficult being sick to my stomach all the time!

In other gut-related news: I'm bloated. Nothing severe, but dinners don't sit with me well and I blow up like a balloon in the evening. They tend to sit on my stomach leaving me tasting them when I'm laying awake, restless, in bed. My jeans were actually snug from having such an air-filled belly the other night. It'll be nice when it's an actual baby, not a food baby, making my clothes snug.

Non-health related work issues

I don't know if an aversion to my boss's cologne could officially be considered a sensitivity to a smell, but I certainly couldn't stand catching wiffs of it yesterday. It's not that it made me nauseous, but I really wanted to avoid it at all costs. Nothing else has caught me like that just yet. Or maybe I'm subconsciously urged to avoid him since he's the only one at work that doesn't know yet. I'm confident in my decision to wait until after my first midwife appointment when I'll be 8 weeks along; it just so happens that will be when he returns from his vacation and might be in a happy and receptive mood to me giving my 9 month's notice. I'm sure it'll go over fine, but I can't help but fear the potential bomb I'm dropping.

Spilling the beans about our bean

Sharing the news with everyone has been awesome so far. We called Art's sister, Kim, first. We knew she'd be able to hold the secret for a day or two while we decided how far the word should spread so soon. We called my parents the next day and told them while they were each on one of the phones. Art called his mom, and the following day told his entire department at work in a single email. I've been slowly leaking the news at work and everyone has been thrilled and incredibly excited. I've yet to drop the bomb on my boss; I think I'll try to wait until after my first midwife appointment before sharing with him that I'm essentially putting in my 9 month's notice.

It's fun to let people in on this secret. Most people are completely surprised, and we typically get "well you didn't waste any time!" as the primary response. And no, we didn't waste any time. We've been together for going on eight years now, living together for two. A honeymoon (or more like Father's Day) baby is freakin' awesome, if you ask me. I just keep hoping for the absolute best right now.

Early pregnancy symptoms

While I don't feel like I'm going through all the "text book" symptoms, I'm definitely experiencing a few notable differences. For starters, my breasts feel like sacks of boiling potatoes--full, hot, and not fun to touch. "Morning" sickness is totally absent, though I've been getting heartburn on and off since before we even knew I was officially pregnant. I'm urinating more than normal (who would have thought that started NOW?) and I'm extra tired all day long. I'm not sensitive to smells, but I have been having difficulty sleeping on my back; it leaves my lower abdomen sore and extra crampy. Oh, and the cramps have lessened since what I assume was implantation, but they still show up mild and intermittent. Not much to complain about so far...All I want is for everything to go right and as healthy as possible.

4 week photo

So, here's my first official belly photo. Or rather, absence of a belly photo :)

Work-related issues aren't issues, thank goodness

I did my research and contacted the Illinois Teratogen Information Service, as recommended by the midwife office I made my first appointment with for July 31st. ITIS is a state run organization that provides free information in regards to various exposures during pregnancy/breastfeeding. And I happily learned that my two biggest concerns at work--Isoflurane gas and x-rays--are truly of no concern. Because our Isoflurane gas is hooked up to a proper scavenger system, I don't have to worry about the minimal exposure I'm faced with. In super-high doses it can cause hemolytic anemia, but that would get caught by me a) feeling like junk and b) routine bloodwork. And x-rays are only dangerous during a single super-high dose directly on the uterus. So while lower back x-rays taken on me would be a no-no, being present, well out of the beam, wearing a lead gown, is fine. Minimal exposures over time don't have ill-effects.

So, all of our bases are covered in work-related issues!

Digital tests are so much easier to read

I keep looking for the "not" to show up. Wow.

The details of this past cycle, the first after our wedding, the first we ever decided to "not NOT try" to get pregnant...

-Probably ovulated on day 18
-Had sex as we pleased
-Average luteal phase is 12 days
-Average cycle length is 30 days
-Experienced mild and intermittent lower-abdominal cramping from day 20 on
-Upset stomach/heartburn occasionally in evenings from day 20 on
-Really crazy dreams (when I normally don't dream at all) from around ovulation on
-Tested 8 days past ovulation and got what we thought was an evaporation line, again on 9 days past ovulation and got a darker terribly-faint-what-I-thought-was-an-evaporation-line

-And now the digital in the afternoon of 9 dpo and a positive.

"Holy sh*t," were literally the first words when that little digital test read positive. They were said in an awe-struck, love-filled way though, of course!

The first tests: thank you, Dollar General!

Art insisted I take a test last night. "But I'm probably only like 8 days past ovulation," I protested. But no, if I've been feeling strange lower-abdominal mild cramping, I must take a test. So, I relented. And then we stared at that sucker on and off for 10 minutes until our eyes hurt. What we saw I'm sure must be an evaporation/"ghost" line (where those magic little antibodies are), but hell if I know what I'm looking at.

So, this afternoon, same story. Maybe it's the day light, maybe it's our crazed eyes, but somewhere after 5 minutes and before 10, we both saw the same thing. I have no idea if an evaporation/"ghost" line even translates into a digital image as it does in front of our eyes, but goodness, I'm at a loss. I should've taken a test when I KNEW I wasn't pregnant so I'd have some basis for comparison! Instead we're here over-analyzing. That second line is so faint, but geez, I really think it's there!