And Baby Makes Three

Birth Story

2009-03-14T13:52:00.001-05:00

I finally finished typing up as much as I could about the day of her arrival. I feel like there's so much more I could add, but this is already a novel :)

On Saturday the 7th I woke up around 3:00 AM with some contractions unlike any other I had experienced. They started with the same abdominal tightening but progressed into a lower abdominal cramp-like feeling along with a lower back ache. If this was "it" I wanted to be prepared so I rested as best I could, had Art run some errands during the day, and made sure everything was in order. In the morning the contractions were getting as close together as 5 minutes apart, but by afternoon they were every 10 minutes or so and slightly less intense. I was thankfully able to eat and act pretty much normal so I attempted sleep, or at least rest, that night.

On Sunday I was woken again at 3:00 AM with contractions serious enough to warrant attention. I'd been having them all night long, but managed to sleep a bit in between. I got up and took a warm bath to see if they would ease up, and when they didn't, I started timing them. They were consistently 4 - 5 minutes apart so I woke up Art, called Rachel (our doula), and paged the midwives through their answering service.

Janet called back shortly after the page and I described the situation. She said to stay home for as long as possible since I wanted a natural birth and to update her when we thought we were ready to go to the hospital. I asked just exaclty what I should be looking for from myself as to when we should leave, and her suggestion was when I couldn't laugh or joke or be myself in between contractions.

Art got in the shower, took out the garbage, straightened up, and got all the bags and the carseat ready to go by the stairs. He called all of his bosses and co-workers and left voice messages that he wouldn't be in the following day; we're having a baby!

Rachel arrived around 5:30 AM with cantaloupe in hand and I stood around rocking my hips during contractions. She suggested I take another bath to try and rest up before we worked on any movements to get the labor progressing; I hadn't slept well since Friday night, so I needed all the energy I could get. Rachel was wonderful to have around--prepared food, drinks, and even cleaned our dirty dishes in the sink.

I was handling the contractions alright in the beginning, mostly breathing through them, sometimes vocalizing quietly, and Rachel continuously would remind me to un-furrow my brow, relax my jaw, and deepen the sounds I was making. In between contractions we sat around as if nothing were out of the ordinary--watched television, joked around. My appetite was shot, but I nibbled on some peanut butter on toast, cereal, fruit, and cheese and crackers throughout the morning.

By 10:00 I was starting to get more uncomfortable. No position made the contractions better--not the bath, not the exercise ball, not standing, not sitting, not leaning, not all fours. Still I was able to be myself in between them, but we paged Janet again to say we were thinking we might want to come in soon. She told us to keep waiting it out at home for as long as possible, but regardless she would be arriving at the hospital around noon.

I took a shower sometime after that to see if the hot water on my back would relieve any of the intense discomfort, and it did help some. My vocalizations had become louder during the shower though and there was no taking them back; I sound like a ghost going, "oooOOOooo" with each breath. Rachel still didn't think I was very far into active labor, and since my self-checks of my cervix were inconclusive I had no idea where I was in the game either. I tried seeing how dilated I was twice that morning, once in the bath and later in the shower, but each time I could only feel one edge of my cervix, the bulging bag of waters, and her head behind that. I couldn't wrap my fingers around the entire cervix to judge how open it was.

A bit after the shower all I could think about was getting into a giant bathtub of warm water to help with how uncomfortable I was getting. Just before noon we paged Janet again to say we were on our way and loaded up into the car. The car ride over wasn't the worst thing in the world, but I noticed every little bump. Art dropped me and Rachel off at the front door while he found parking and I managed a slow walk in and asked the front desk in some broken sentences where to go for labor. I was offered a wheel chair ride up to the second floor but declined--sitting sounded horrible. While we waited for Art to come in I joked about me needing one of the plus-sized wheel chairs and still managed to feel like myself.

It took a while to walk down the hall and to get into the elevator since I had to stop with each contraction, but we made it upstairs, managed to go into the mother/baby doors incorrectly, got redirected to labor/delivery and as soon as we were in the room I asked if they could fill up that tub. Unfortunately I had to be checked first to see my progress, so I changed into a gown and waited for Janet while Art ran downstairs for the bags we'd left in the car.

The wonderful nurse said she had read my birth plan and everything sounded great. They let me sit on the edge of the bed instead of laying back and put the fetal and contraction monitors on me for a bit and her heart rate stayed awesome during contractions, which was relieving to hear. Art got back, Janet arrived, and as it turns out I was already 8 cm dilated at 90% effaced! The first words out of my mouth? "Holy sh*t,"--same as when the digital pregnancy test read "positive." Everyone was very surprised at how I was acting at such a stage in the labor game. The bag of waters was still intact and she was still at -1 station as she had been at my weekly visit on Friday, but I didn't care: FILL UP THE TUB.

I took off my gown and put on just a bra and got in while it filled. The temperature was a little warm so they got a pan of cold water with a washcloth for me to put on my neck and face. I spent a little while just enjoying the relief until the contractions became incredibly more intense and frequent...Transition! My vocalizations became even more hilarious as the "oooOOOooo," had a quiver from me shaking from the pain. I kept thinking how I sounded like a stupid ghost. Art later confided that he was thinking how spoooOOOoooky I sounded too. I also kept thinking that if I had waited until I couldn't be myself any more to show up at the hospital it would have been THEN and heck if I would have wanted to be in any place but the tub at that point in time.

Happy in the tub

Serious in the tub

I labored in there until just before 3:00 PM and was told I should get out and get checked again. The trip out of the tub was much more difficult than the trip in with another contraction hitting as I stood. Above the tub there was a metal bar with a bed sheet hanging from it and I hung there moaning, "oooOOOooo," until it was over and I waddled over to the bed. My mom came in at some point around then so she could be there for the actual delivery. Once on the bed Janet told me I was officially complete but her head was still high and offered to break my bag so she would come down and I could start pushing. I was ready for her to be OUT and for the pain to stop so I agreed, she popped it, and started instructing me how to push.

My body was so exhausted at that point that the fact that I had wanted limited directed pushing went straight out the window. I had wanted to use the squat bar they had at the end of the bed too, but I was too weak physically and too scared of the pain of moving to get up. So I stayed propped up sitting and Janet would push down on my perineum and tell me to push toward her fingers. Pushing was NOT relieving, as I had read so many times. It actually really hurt worse and that scared the goodness out of me which had me pushing less than I knew I could.

I was so incredibly ready for it to be over though, and I was stuck in a cycle of "push and it hurts" and "don't push and it still hurts." I was offered a mirror and I don't think I could even say "no," I just shook my head. I was told I could touch her head and I did the same. All I could do was keep my eyes closed, listen to the encouragement from everyone in the room, and give half-hearted pushes.

Just as her hair started showing the gloomy rainy day parted and in between the clouds the sun shone through the window and apparently straight onto her. I could feel the emotions of everyone in the room at that moment. Janet kept telling me to push her fingers away, tuck down, open my legs (since I kept trying to close them) and give about three hard pushes during each contraction. At some point she threatened an episiotomy, and even though I knew she wouldn't, it got me going harder.

Right at the end I was squealing at the end of every push and I felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my head. The pain was intense, but I never noticed an exact "ring of fire," just an all-over burning feeling. Art was holding my head and left leg, the nurse was at my right leg, and my mom and Rachel were on my left. Suddenly everyone was telling me to stop pushing, I said, "I can't!" Rachel told me to "pant through it," and seemingly out of nowhere there was a baby on my chest!

She was beautiful! She cried for a few seconds and then entered this amazing level of alertness and just stared at me and looked around the room. Art absolutely lost all composure and sobbed uncontrollably. There are no words to describe the wonderful emotion of meeting your daughter for the first time and I know I wouldn't be able to accurately describe them. It was the absolutely most perfect moment in time to ever exist.

Soon it was time for the placenta to come out. Now that? I thought that was relieving. It was like birthing a bag of jelly and it was really neat to look at the organ I grew--that nurtured this child for all those months--that I no longer needed. (Placenta picture)

I looked up at Art and said, "who is she?" and we nodded in agreement: Liliana Marie.

Janet told me I tore a reasonable amount and that she had to start suturing. They took Liliana over to get measured and weighed and washed. Getting stitched up got to be almost as bad having contractions again, even with the local anesthetic. I was offered some Nubain, but seeing as I had no IV, sure as heck didn't want an intramuscular injection, and had already made it that far with nothing, I declined. I sang some rounds of "ow, ow, ow, ow, OW," and was probably the worst patient ever with how much I squirmed, but I had lost track of time and it turns out I spent about an hour and a half getting stitched left, right, and down on 2nd degree tears. During the suturing we learned she was born at 3:50 PM, weighed 7 pounds 12 ounces, and was 21 inches long.

Finally the hellish stitching was over and Liliana was still awesomely alert and placed back on my chest, skin to skin, where she latched on like a champ for her first nursing session. We stayed in the delivery room for a while just enjoying her being wide awake. (Nursing photo)

The only thing I would change about the entire experience is the tearing, but outside of that this was my absolute perfect birth. I cannot thank Art, Rachel, and Janet enough for all of their help and attention throughout it all. She has been a fantastic baby and truly taken over our lives in the best way imaginable.

She's here!

2009-03-09T19:51:00.002-05:00

Liliana Marie was born at 3:50 PM on Sunday, March 8th after about 13 hours of labor and 1 hour of pushing. The super-abbreviated birth story: I labored at home until noon when all I could think about was getting into a giant tub of warm water, went to the hospital, got checked and was already at 8 cm, got into the delightful labor tub and hit transition, got out and was complete, had my waters broke, and she descended from -1 station to born after a handful of incredibly difficult pushes. Early labor was alright, the middle started to really suck, transition hit like a ton of bricks and my vocalizations turned all hilariously ghost-like from quivering from the pain, and I managed to get 2nd degree tears left/right/down and am swollen as all hell. I still cannot believe I actually managed no medication as planned; it was intense! Outside of the brick-like-feeling between my legs, I feel fantastic, she's been latching on well once she gets her act together, and she's the most wonderful daughter we could ever ask for. She stayed alert for hours after she was born and nursed and sat content in our arms and soaked in the outside world. More details to come after we're more settled!

On with the show!

2009-03-08T04:40:00.000-05:00

If this isn't actually early labor, I don't want to know what is! The contractions are 3 - 5 minutes apart now, even in a warm bath. I think I'm going to wake up Art.

The beginning of the end

2009-03-07T07:26:00.000-06:00

I had contractions all night--well, starting around 3:00 or 4:00 AM--that were powerful enough to keep me up during them, but I think I must have dosed off in between. I'm not sure how far apart they were, probably 10-20 minutes, most leaning toward the latter, but I've decided on my own will to be up at 7:00 in the stinkin' morning on a Saturday since they're too uncomfortable to sleep through. We'll see if they continue. They start off feeling like the practice ones have been, but peak into a moderate-to-severe type menstrual cramp accompanied with the same lower back pain I get with my period too.

Edit: It looks like they're closer to 5-ish minutes apart as I rock on my exercise-disguised-as-a-birthing ball. I guess we'll see if they pick up in intensity then!

Edit 2: Alright, by noon they're back to about 15-20 minutes apart, but still just as uncomfortable. Hmph. I don't know if I should try to encourage it or discourage it, haha.

Edit 3: So now as we round in on 6:00 tonight they've gone back to closer to 10 minutes apart, but they're a bit weaker. Ah, well...Time will tell! Or this could just be sucky prodromal labor. Fun!

Numbers with little meaning

2009-03-06T15:21:00.000-06:00

Curiosity totally got the better of me today and I had an internal exam at today's midwife appointment. Blah, blah, I know it doesn't mean anything...Blah, blah, they're unnecessary. But I was damn curious to know what's cookin' inside there. And I got to find out that I'm at:

-1 station
1+ cm dilated
50% effaced

So yeah, it totally doesn't mean anything in regards to when labor could start, but I like knowing.

Coming unplugged

2009-03-03T16:10:00.000-06:00

I wish there were cute ways to call everything pregnancy related instead of their rather unpleasant regular terms. "Contractions" are referred to as "rushes" by Ina May (famous midwife extraordinaire), but me wanting to write how I think I lost two little chunks of my mucous plug this afternoon is stuck getting called just that, surely leaving readers a little less interested in reading further. Regardless, cooter snot is exciting to me, even if it doesn't necessarily mean labor is that imminent; women can walk around for weeks afterward.

Let's meet her already!

2009-03-01T18:30:00.000-06:00

I'm suddenly feeling really ready to get this baby OUT. It's not that I'm uncomfortable but rather that I'm too darn impatient. I want to meet her. I want to hold her. I want to see her and sit and stare at her for hours on end. I'm tired of waiting and not knowing when this whole labor game will play out! I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready! I wish there was an eject button that I could push to get this going.

38 week photo

2009-02-26T13:51:00.001-06:00

Is it possible to get any bigger? Yes! How fun :)

I really don't mind it though. The incredible movements happening inside that gigantic belly make it all worth it, as does the thought of meeting her soon!

Practice makes perfect...eventually

2009-02-25T19:40:00.001-06:00

Damn contractions that don't mean a thing. I know it isn't labor, it's painless, and just a total tease, but these contractions that I've had, oh, like 20 of since around 4:30 this afternoon, are starting to get old. Either do something or stop already, body!

Counting down

2009-02-24T20:18:00.004-06:00

I'm starting to get really excited for labor and delivery. We've found a doula that we get along with well (midwives cutting back hours > not able to offer as much labor support as previously thought > desiring a natural birth > find and hire a doula!). I'm feeling really--surprisingly--prepared. I'm not very nervous, just very anxious for the day to finally arrive! Of course the outcome of it all has me most excited: meeting our daughter. But otherwise I'm really interested to see how it all goes, practice what I've learned so much about, and get on with this already!

36 week photo

2009-02-12T16:13:00.001-06:00

I think this is that "big as a house" feeling I was worried about in early pregnancy :)

Plaster, preparation, and pictures

2009-02-05T12:20:00.005-06:00

We made a belly cast last night. While slathering yourself in petroleum jelly and sitting around the living room naked while your husband coats you in plaster gauze might sound like an odd way to spend an evening, it was fun and turned out great. We'll need to add a few more layers now that it's dry and stable and then we'll get to decorate it.

Everything is really coming together as far as baby preparations go. In fact, I'm hard pressed to think of anything more that needs to be done. We have all the clothes washed. We received pre-paid diaper service as a gift from my co-workers. The swing, bouncer, and co-sleeper are all assembled and in their respective places. I have the hospital bag packed (though I have to add Art's swim trunks in case he wants to join me in the labor tub!) and the baby's diaper bag is packed as well. The pediatrician is picked out, we know what medical things to deny at the hospital, and all of the pregnancy/labor/baby books have been read. And even though I tell everyone that "we're not deciding on a name until we meet her," we totally know our favorite and think of her as that, though we don't speak to her or of her using it just yet.

Our maternity photo session is scheduled for this Sunday and I feel like once we're done with that she can come whenever she'd like! I mean, I'm only 35 weeks and some change right now, so she's still got a bit more baking to do, but everything we've wanted to do during this pregnancy will be complete after Sunday. I like being so prepared, but at the same time I'm worried that these last few weeks are going to drag without anything else to tool around with!

34 week photo

2009-01-29T14:19:00.003-06:00

Here movements have become incredibly strong these past few weeks. Sometimes they're so powerful I jump a little in surprise! And the show she can put on for outside guests to feel and see has been quite impressive too.

Shower and birthing

2009-01-18T21:31:00.000-06:00

Our baby shower was today and my goodness, I'm exhausted. It was wonderful seeing everyone and once again I'm really touched at how generous our friends and family are. This kid is set up in style now for quite some time, and I still get to look forward to getting smothered in gifts from my very excited co-workers. Sorting through all of these clothes and toys and accessories today got me even MORE excited to meet her, if that's even possible.

And in a related topic, I learned today that my birth mom (who came down from Minnesota with my half-sister, yay!) had both me and her next, my half-brother, three weeks early. Her last, my half-sister, was one week early. Now, I know daughters don't always take after their mothers in pregnancy and labor. But her pregnancies were reported as being easy, just as this one has been for me. I'd like to inherit her short labors (starting with me at around seven hours, the last being around two). Coming that early though? Ah! I'm happy to have all of these things in place now, that's for sure.

32 week photo

2009-01-15T15:22:00.002-06:00

I can't believe that her arrival is so close but so far away! We're both getting really anxious and excited for her to get here!

Super Baby

2009-01-11T18:49:00.002-06:00

The movements this little girl creates are amazing. This morning she did a total roll while Art had his hand on my abdomen which elicited a stunned, "woah!" from him. It really is incredible the detail that can be felt and the power of some of the kicks. Supposedly space is going to become more cramped and these movements won't be felt as strong soon, so I'll enjoy them while they aren't up to my rib cage yet!

30 week photo

2009-01-01T21:39:00.001-06:00

75% done!

The end of another year

2008-12-31T19:56:00.004-06:00

2008 has been quite a year, and I'm thrilled to be entering 2009, the year in which I will officially gain a daughter. We're quietly celebrating the new year at home with pizza, tiramisu, and Guitar Hero, and I'm excited to think that next year we'll more than likely be doing the same, only with her in our arms.

It's the most wonderful time

2008-12-24T08:27:00.004-06:00

I like to think of all the things that this baby gets to experience while in the womb. Not like the actual sensations of being in there, but rather everywhere I take her. She's already been to Florida. She has been scrubbed into a surgical gown with her host wrist-deep in a dog's abdomen. And now she's attending her first Christmas Celebration Extravaganza (having so many families to visit calls for a formal title).

Not being religious I don't view this holiday as a celebration of any single person's birth and miraculous life, but rather more like an additional Thanksgiving--but BETTER. These two days are when I can go out and see every family member that has been there for my entire life and spend some time with them. We share a meal and (while not with everyone) we exchange gifts. Gifts, to me, are a way of saying "thank you for everything this past year." Of course there are some gifts to give out of obligation, but 98% of the time it's with genuine appreciation.

I wish there was a gift that showed Art and this unborn baby how much I love them, how much that love consumes me. I am so thankful to be spending this--our first married Christmas--together and expecting such an amazing addition to our little family. I love them so much. And I love this time of year: the extra kindness in people, the decorations, and heck...even the snow (for now!).

28 week photo

2008-12-18T11:16:00.003-06:00

The comments I get from clients at work on my pregnant status have been amusing so far. From an exaggerated gasp to squeals of delight, it's certainly a conversation starter. I really like when I get tidbits of advice or encouragement. A new mom told me to start lifting weights now so I won't struggle as hard with the infant car seat. Another woman, after sighing reminiscently, said how much she loved nursing her babies--how precious their little hands are when they rest it on your chest during those priceless quiet moments. So far I've only had good conversations and I really appreciate all of them. It's making this final countdown all the more exiting for her big arrival!

3D Ultrasound

2008-12-13T17:52:00.002-06:00

It was absolutely worth the money! Talk about a window into the womb, my goodness!

26 week photo

2008-12-04T22:08:00.002-06:00

I feel her all the time now. And seeing her move is just the icing on the cake. I'm sure all this movement will get tiring when space is more limited, but for now I'm really enjoying the show.

Those budgies sure are starting to look a little funny though :)

No thanks, stirrups are for horses

2008-12-02T20:18:00.000-06:00

I'm so happy I'm delivering with a midwife. So happy, happy, happy...

We did the hospital tour tonight and it went really well. The room you stay in after delivery is huge and comfy and they 100% encourage rooming-in with the baby, so that won't be a battle. In fact, the baby never has to leave your sight, which is even better. I did get all freaked out in the delivery room seeing how the bottom part of the bed drops away for the stirrups to come up, and then I remembered that I'll be delivering with a midwife. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I want to be in any position but on that bed with my feet propped up in the air, and these ladies will encourage me to deliver in any way I feel comfortable.

So, that was an exciting evening. And even though they were very full and busy right now, there were only like two babies in the nursery to oogle at; the rest were all staying with their moms :)

Moving: limbs and furniture

2008-11-30T19:32:00.002-06:00

She moved for both of my parents for the first time today. She's in a new position with whatever appendage out on my right side, just underneath my ribs. Both of them were able to feel it one after another, and my mom couldn't stop talking about it the rest of the day. Later in the afternoon I was resting on the couch and I could SEE the movement, very clearly, from the outside. I wish I had a video camera within arm's reach; I could have easily captured it. Regardless, it was still very exciting.

The bedroom that will eventually be hers is really coming together too. Art's desk and the bulk of the audio gear he doesn't need any more has been disassembled and moved down to the garage to be sold. The armoire has been moved from the dining room and into that room; the reptiles have been moved from that room and into the dining room; the futon and armoire have been rotated around that room into the positions that they will remain; the holes in the wall and ceiling have been patched and painted (though the ceiling needs to be touched up with the right color white); and her clothes have been moved from our closet and organized into the armoire.

Now we just need to finish up organizing the rest of his audio gear, acquire the crib and changing table (and go through the joys of assembling them), and get some decorations up on the walls so it's not so bare! I'm feeling much better now that this all has been accomplished.

Oh yeah, and this all happened in the past 72 hours. We've been busy.

En utero musical theater

2008-11-26T20:26:00.002-06:00

I've decided to perform a musical experiment. One of the vets I work with, Dr. Judy, bought us a CD set of lullabies, half of which are beautiful instrumentals which I really don't mind listening too. In hopes of having these songs actually do something with the baby on the outside, I've decided to play them to her on the inside. I've heard of things like this before; dads saying the baby's name all sing-song-y frequently to the belly and having the baby respond to the same intonation once born. So, why not? If I can have her respond peacefully to these songs being played quietly, it will be worth it.

I feel kind of silly sitting at the computer with headphones on my abdomen, but Art thinks it's a decent idea too, and he's the only one that would ever see this. I'm also making sure not to play the music when she's still--only when she's active--so I'm not disturbing whatever sleep pattern she's developed in there.

24 week photo

2008-11-20T10:39:00.000-06:00

Well, there's no hiding it any more!

No more tears

2008-11-18T10:42:00.002-06:00

Pregnancy hormones? Yeah, you. Can you stop making me so sensitive now? I escaped the whole first trimester and now most of the second without having ridiculous emotional side effects, but now a handful of times in the past week I've cried when only mildly upset, then become so embarrassed and frustrated at the fact that I was crying that I cry some more. What a vicious cycle! Then Art grounds me, or I get a reassuring kick from inside, and the mean circle of tears is broken. And while I still feel like a fool, at least I have an excuse :)

An extra look inside!

2008-11-11T21:54:00.003-06:00

Tonight's midwife appointment was awesome! Art came with, finally getting to meet at least the one of them, so that was the start of the greatness. It was followed up by getting to borrow a really great book about birthing.

And the absolute icing on the cake was when I asked if she could do a quick scan with the ultrasound machine to double-check me growing a miniature vagina in there, and she spent a good 10 minutes double, triple, and quadruple checking that itty bitty vulva's presence, as well as getting great shots of her face (both profile and straight on), showcasing all her tiny body parts, and just letting us enjoy watching all the activity in there. I freaking LOVE these midwives!

The first photo is the wonderfully creepy face shot straight-on. And here's a look at her little thigh beefing up, along with a peek at her "hamburger" (as opposed to a boy's "hot dog").

22 week photo

2008-11-06T12:16:00.002-06:00

Following along what month I'm in has always seemed to escape me. I can't believe that I've already completed five and am in my sixth. That just sounds so crazy!

Listen careful

2008-11-05T20:31:00.003-06:00

We heard the baby move a few nights ago. I borrowed a stethoscope from one of the veterinarians at work and we've been fooling around trying to catch a little listen of perhaps the heartbeat. While she's probably still too small or not in the quite right position to catch that, we did hear her wiggling up a storm. Not only could I feel it and hear it, but Art could feel it from the outside while listening too. Next week we have another midwife appointment--the first one that Daddy will be able to attend--and we'll get to go over the results of the ultrasound. I attended an awesome baby expo last weekend, we updated our registry, I can feel her moving daily now...This is beginning to feel really real :)

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T18:15:00.003-05:00

What's better than being a skeleton for Halloween? Being a pregnant skeleton, of course! And what's better than being a pregnant skeleton all by your lonesome? Being a pregnant skeleton with your skeleton husband and skeleton dog!

It's a shame the cockatiels couldn't be skeletons too :)

Twins, the mammary kind

2008-10-23T19:40:00.003-05:00

Something I'm still not used to? Under-boob cleavage. It still doesn't occur when standing or sitting up straight, but if I slouch when seated, the soon-to-be milk jugs rest on my belly. It is such a strange skin-on-skin contact to have never experienced before!

20 week photo

2008-10-23T10:59:00.002-05:00

At least my belly will be more tan now as I grow!

Our Florida vacation was wonderful, though it was a bit odd walking around in a bikini in this "in between" belly stage. Is she fat? Pregnant? Well, with my mom by my side, at least everybody we had any casual interaction with knew for sure I was, when my due date is, and that it's a girl :) Think she's excited?

Kicked with love

2008-10-18T19:46:00.003-05:00

I'm getting kicked right now from the inside. It's the most amazing feeling to know it so distinctly. She's very much head down, as she was at the ultrasound, and tucked off to my left. Every time I feel her now it's almost involuntary that I stop and experience each motion. I love it. I love her. I love Art. And I love what we're growing together.

Maybe those hormones are kicking in after all :)

The ultrasound!

2008-10-15T21:40:00.003-05:00

The whole ultrasound experience was truly unreal. I had NO idea how impressive this technology is until seeing it in real life! We had a student technician that took her time, explained everything we questioned, and took wonderful still shots and printed them for us. As she was traveling through the measurements we all got a clear shot of the baby spread eagle, no penis in sight, and the perfect vertical line between her legs indicating a vagina. By the time the certified technician came in to verify all the measurement, she had politely closed her legs around the cord, so nothing could be seen. We all knew was we saw though, and I promptly went out the next day and bought a handful of adorable little girl outfits that weren't all pink and frills, since I know that oodles of that is bound to get gifted.

I'm still blown away by all the things that could be seen inside there. We saw her swallowing, sucking her thumb, kicking, wriggling, arching her back, and just being incredibly active in there. The checked various measurements, her kidneys, the four chambers of the heart, and different ventricles in the brain. I can't wait to do a 3D one closer to Christmas so we can see her again!

18 week photo

2008-10-09T11:05:00.003-05:00

I knew I hit a growth spurt within these past few weeks, but my goodness! I actually look pregnant in street clothes now!

Awaiting, nesting, rocking...

2008-10-03T20:36:00.003-05:00

It's October, the month in which I reach half way. I can't believe it's fall, let alone fast approaching the time in which we find out if I'm growing a girl-child or a boy-child (12 days and counting!). I'm feeling the same mysterious feelings down in my uterus, along with a handful of other interesting sensations. I'm still eagerly awaiting to see what they'll turn into.

I have begun some small nesting projects, which makes me feel a bit better about otherwise having prepared nothing so far. I've got extra shelves hung in the closet, a drawer in the nightstand cleared out with the diaper covers moved in, and part of a shelf in the hall closet cleaned off too. While that amounts to really not a whole lot of storage, every little bit helps, and I've also begun researching a toy/book shelf something-or-other to go out in the living room.

Also, I asked my mom if we could borrow her rocking chair. It turns out that the rocking chair was the very first present my dad gave to her as a married couple--given as a Christmas present in 1982. She fed me for the first time in that chair, rocked me every night in that chair, and now we're going to borrow it to rock this peanut in. That chair is going to really hold a lot of memories!

16 week photo

2008-09-25T12:37:00.002-05:00

I'm still in shock over how quickly time has been moving. Sixteen weeks just sounds crazy to me!

My visible uterus! And feeling movements to boot!

2008-09-21T11:18:00.003-05:00

I've been able to palpate the edges of my uterus since around 10 weeks, and while I definitely feel thicker around the middle (despite no actual weight gain yet), I still feel like I look more food-belly than baby-belly.

Well, to my surprise, when I woke up this morning--just a day shy of 16 weeks--and stretched in bed I could SEE my uterus. When I lay on my back, lift my butt up off the bed/floor, and "suck in" a bit, it becomes so obvious. So, of course after yelling for Art to come take a look, I captured a picture :)

Taken from my chest level, looking down...

And now, on top of that excitement, I've been feeling what I'm chalking up to be fetal movements these past few days. I only notice them randomly when I'm quiet and still, but I can't imagine these quivers/taps could be anything else. Last night Art and I spent some time on the couch quietly laying with his hand on my belly, and we both felt the same quiver/tap in the same spot to the right. I'm convinced it was the baby :)

Ultrasound is scheduled!

2008-09-15T19:24:00.001-05:00

I scheduled the ultrasound today--exactly one month from now on October 15th. I'll be 19 weeks and 2 days along by then, so we'll get to determine the sex! I'm so excited to get to see in there and view what's growing, and I'm so excited to have Art by my side for it too. Just the week prior to that will be the first midwife appointment he'll be able to come to and the first time he'll hear the heartbeat in person. Things are definitely starting to feel even more real!

14 week photo

2008-09-11T10:22:00.002-05:00

Here we go: the second trimester!

Officially 1/3 done

2008-09-08T10:25:00.002-05:00

And here I am entering the second trimester. I can't believe the time has flown by so quickly and we're now a third of the way to parenthood. It's so incredibly scary and utterly exciting simultaneously; the result is just mind blowing. The words to describe this level of anticipation are very difficult to find, especially when they get muddled with so much mushy love stuff.

I feel like we're both on the same page with just about everything imaginable. So far this has been an awesome experience.

12 week photo

2008-08-28T09:56:00.005-05:00

And so here I am at 12 weeks. (Well, "technically" 12 weeks and 3 days now, but I'm still going by my original calculations.) That magic number 12 is finally here, and oddly I haven't been nervous or looking forward to it nearly as much as I was way back at 6, maybe even 8 weeks. Now my next goal is to feel this lime-sized fetus, though he/she will probably be between turnip and heirloom tomato then.

Oh, and my uterus has now stretched to the size of a freaking softball. How crazy is that? I can also easily palpate it. The top is just about in line with where the bottom part of the wing meets budgie body on my tattoos.

Thoughts of the future

2008-08-21T18:31:00.002-05:00

Everything has turned into family planning, and I love it. Everywhere we go, everything we buy, every place we decide to shop turns into, "this will be great when..." Hopefully we'll be able to keep up with our ideas of going to the drive-in movie theater, walking around downtown St. Charles, and shopping at the local farm for produce.

Well worth the wait

2008-08-15T21:18:00.003-05:00

My first midwife appointment yesterday was incredible. I am so glad I waited to meet with these women. Liz was kind and gentle and it was the most perfect appointment I could ever ask for.

It started off with oodles of questions, both from me and her. Her side was mostly getting my history, etc., while my side was encouraged to make sure we were a good fit. I found out I can labor in the tub or shower, or basically anywhere I darn well please. Every answer to every questions was perfect. And then the magic happened.

Though I had to wear the paper gown (since I was about to have the full physical anyway), I got to hear the baby's heartbeat on the doppler. Not that I'm happy that Art wasn't able to attend, I'm so thankful to have it recorded. I listen to it all the time now as a fantastic reminder of the amazing things happening inside there.

My physical exam checked out great too. I had a pap (results pending, though I know it'll be normal), my cervix is high (good!), blue (also good!), and covered in nice mucous (gross, but good...yay, plug forming!). She palpated my uterus and helped me to feel it too, and it IS what I've been feeling all along. "Yep, you're 10 weeks alright!" is what she said as soon as she felt in there.

So, based on the first day of my last menstrual period, the due date is March 9th. Based on when I might have ovulated, it could be as late as March 12th. She made a note of my possible ovulation, but we're sticking with the first date. Not that a timer's going to go off and everything's going to suddenly be done cooking "on time," but it's a fun goal to work toward.

This all feel so much more real now that I have that rhythmic "thump thump thump" to listen to.

Heartbeat!

2008-08-14T16:08:00.001-05:00

That was simply amazing!

25% complete

2008-08-14T12:09:00.003-05:00

I can't believe that here I am at 10 weeks. There's only 40 weeks in this game, and that leaves us at 25% of the way through this incredible journey. My first midwife appointment is this afternoon and I'm crossing my fingers that I get to hear the heartbeat with the doppler.

I've also been feeling strongly domestic lately. I cooked an awesome dinner of homemade guacamole, along with chicken and pepper fajitas, which all turned out awesome. We baked oatmeal raisin cookies. I sewed a baby quilt with cotton flannel and then a grab ball with the scraps. I planted an iris from my aunt in our garden. And I just now finished baking zucchini bread that has left delicious smells throughout the entire house.

I wish the cleaning/organizing half of being nesty would kick in, but for now I'll enjoy that I'm enjoying the rest of these things so much.

10 week photo

2008-08-14T12:03:00.002-05:00

Now I'm seriously wondering if I'm bloated (which I don't FEEL like I am at all) or if this is truly the start of something here. Hmph!

Copping a feel of my uterus

2008-08-07T21:15:00.005-05:00

I'm 9 weeks on the dot, and I'm 99.9% sure that I have officially felt my uterus for the first time. I love palpating abdomens, what with me having to do it daily at work for various reasons, but my skills are in animal bellies, not human. But after feeling around and a bit of research, this must be it.

Right above my pubic bone I can feel something that's comparable to a small orange. I can feel the top front quarter of it, and to prove I'm not crazy I had Art feel around there too and he confirmed. Every time I emptied my bladder today I had the urge to lie on my back and feel around for it. And I did, a lot. Poor fetus (yes. fetus! no longer an embryo!) was getting bounced around with all the pokes and prods from our happy hands!

Going to see the midwife...Eventually

2008-08-04T18:47:00.002-05:00

I am so anxious for my first midwife appointment. I had originally booked one at Midwest Midwifery down in Addison, but unfortunately their practice was bought by some OBs, and I really don't desire standard medical care. I'm low-risk, totally normal and healthy, and I was the absolute best opportunity to do this my way, so I'm set on a midwife. So, the day I had my scheduled appointment I showed up, was pulled into a room by the receptionist, and secretly given the phone number to where some of the midwives there will now be practicing.

It's probably for the best since they'll be seeing all appointments at either Alexian Brothers or St. Alexis, both of which are extremely local. I was just dying to ask my oodles of questions (that are all neatly written our in a little notebook) and it was very frustrating to have that delayed. The appointment's rescheduled for this week Thursday at least, and they'll be pulling blood then instead of having to send me out to a lab, which is also nice. I'll just keep hoping for the best with everything (first trimester, can you be over yet?) and hopefully get answers to all of the queries I have in regards to my future!

8 week photo

2008-07-31T18:40:00.004-05:00

Bloat or the beginning of a belly? Either way, I'm starting to feel a bit rounder. I know I'll laugh at this in 30 weeks when I'm the size of a house.

...Like burning

2008-07-30T19:03:00.000-05:00

It's a sad day when a bland dinner of rice, corn, and chicken results in killer heartburn. Oi! Pretty soon water will cause a flare up!

The incredible edible...embryo

2008-07-25T21:55:00.001-05:00

I have an embryo the size of a blueberry inside my uterus. A blueberry! I'm not sure why that's so exciting, but it really is. I'm eager for the next step--an olive--but not as eager as I am to get out of this darn worrisome first trimester.

Mammary tissue gone wild

2008-07-20T14:17:00.004-05:00

I bought a new bra last night. The normal ones I wear just weren't cutting it, and I was down to using just one old one I'd found that was working. I'm completely filling, nearly spilling over, this brand new C cup now, which I find just a bit silly. I'm scared of what the girls are going to grow into in the coming months!

So THAT'S how you figure it out

2008-07-18T19:46:00.000-05:00

At my sister-in-law's house last week my wonderful five year old niece, Kaitlyn, decided to inform me of something very important:

"When the baby's born, you have to look and see if it has a wiener. If it has a wiener, it's a boy. And if it doesn't have a wiener, it's a girl. So you have to look so you'll know what you can name it, okay?"

Got it, Kate, I'll be sure to check :)

6 week photo

2008-07-17T15:34:00.003-05:00

Second verse, same as the first. Quite literally. I haven't gained a pound, nor have I been feeling terribly bloated lately. Every now and again dinner hits me wrong, but daytime has been kind to me. I'm interested to see when there will actually be a physical change outside of my rock-hard boobs.

The first hint of stomach upset

2008-07-12T15:46:00.005-05:00

A few waves of nausea came over me today. Nothing serious enough for me to think I was going to lose my breakfast, but definitely enough for me to stop, think, take a breath, and grab a sip of water or a Tic Tac. I'm glad I had so many years of dull nausea as a kid that I learned to use Tic Tacs to cope. They still calm my stomach quickly and easily. Hopefully this isn't the start of something much worse as far as "morning" sickness goes; working would be very difficult being sick to my stomach all the time!

In other gut-related news: I'm bloated. Nothing severe, but dinners don't sit with me well and I blow up like a balloon in the evening. They tend to sit on my stomach leaving me tasting them when I'm laying awake, restless, in bed. My jeans were actually snug from having such an air-filled belly the other night. It'll be nice when it's an actual baby, not a food baby, making my clothes snug.

Non-health related work issues

2008-07-10T10:11:00.002-05:00

I don't know if an aversion to my boss's cologne could officially be considered a sensitivity to a smell, but I certainly couldn't stand catching wiffs of it yesterday. It's not that it made me nauseous, but I really wanted to avoid it at all costs. Nothing else has caught me like that just yet. Or maybe I'm subconsciously urged to avoid him since he's the only one at work that doesn't know yet. I'm confident in my decision to wait until after my first midwife appointment when I'll be 8 weeks along; it just so happens that will be when he returns from his vacation and might be in a happy and receptive mood to me giving my 9 month's notice. I'm sure it'll go over fine, but I can't help but fear the potential bomb I'm dropping.

Spilling the beans about our bean

2008-07-07T19:37:00.000-05:00

Sharing the news with everyone has been awesome so far. We called Art's sister, Kim, first. We knew she'd be able to hold the secret for a day or two while we decided how far the word should spread so soon. We called my parents the next day and told them while they were each on one of the phones. Art called his mom, and the following day told his entire department at work in a single email. I've been slowly leaking the news at work and everyone has been thrilled and incredibly excited. I've yet to drop the bomb on my boss; I think I'll try to wait until after my first midwife appointment before sharing with him that I'm essentially putting in my 9 month's notice.

It's fun to let people in on this secret. Most people are completely surprised, and we typically get "well you didn't waste any time!" as the primary response. And no, we didn't waste any time. We've been together for going on eight years now, living together for two. A honeymoon (or more like Father's Day) baby is freakin' awesome, if you ask me. I just keep hoping for the absolute best right now.

Early pregnancy symptoms

2008-07-05T23:33:00.000-05:00

While I don't feel like I'm going through all the "text book" symptoms, I'm definitely experiencing a few notable differences. For starters, my breasts feel like sacks of boiling potatoes--full, hot, and not fun to touch. "Morning" sickness is totally absent, though I've been getting heartburn on and off since before we even knew I was officially pregnant. I'm urinating more than normal (who would have thought that started NOW?) and I'm extra tired all day long. I'm not sensitive to smells, but I have been having difficulty sleeping on my back; it leaves my lower abdomen sore and extra crampy. Oh, and the cramps have lessened since what I assume was implantation, but they still show up mild and intermittent. Not much to complain about so far...All I want is for everything to go right and as healthy as possible.

4 week photo

2008-07-03T15:48:00.000-05:00

So, here's my first official belly photo. Or rather, absence of a belly photo :)

Work-related issues aren't issues, thank goodness

2008-06-30T21:19:00.001-05:00

I did my research and contacted the Illinois Teratogen Information Service, as recommended by the midwife office I made my first appointment with for July 31st. ITIS is a state run organization that provides free information in regards to various exposures during pregnancy/breastfeeding. And I happily learned that my two biggest concerns at work--Isoflurane gas and x-rays--are truly of no concern. Because our Isoflurane gas is hooked up to a proper scavenger system, I don't have to worry about the minimal exposure I'm faced with. In super-high doses it can cause hemolytic anemia, but that would get caught by me a) feeling like junk and b) routine bloodwork. And x-rays are only dangerous during a single super-high dose directly on the uterus. So while lower back x-rays taken on me would be a no-no, being present, well out of the beam, wearing a lead gown, is fine. Minimal exposures over time don't have ill-effects.

So, all of our bases are covered in work-related issues!

Digital tests are so much easier to read

2008-06-28T19:23:00.000-05:00

I keep looking for the "not" to show up. Wow.

The details of this past cycle, the first after our wedding, the first we ever decided to "not NOT try" to get pregnant...

-Probably ovulated on day 18
-Had sex as we pleased
-Average luteal phase is 12 days
-Average cycle length is 30 days
-Experienced mild and intermittent lower-abdominal cramping from day 20 on
-Upset stomach/heartburn occasionally in evenings from day 20 on
-Really crazy dreams (when I normally don't dream at all) from around ovulation on
-Tested 8 days past ovulation and got what we thought was an evaporation line, again on 9 days past ovulation and got a darker terribly-faint-what-I-thought-was-an-evaporation-line

-And now the digital in the afternoon of 9 dpo and a positive.

"Holy sh*t," were literally the first words when that little digital test read positive. They were said in an awe-struck, love-filled way though, of course!

The first tests: thank you, Dollar General!

2008-06-28T16:47:00.000-05:00

Art insisted I take a test last night. "But I'm probably only like 8 days past ovulation," I protested. But no, if I've been feeling strange lower-abdominal mild cramping, I must take a test. So, I relented. And then we stared at that sucker on and off for 10 minutes until our eyes hurt. What we saw I'm sure must be an evaporation/"ghost" line (where those magic little antibodies are), but hell if I know what I'm looking at.

So, this afternoon, same story. Maybe it's the day light, maybe it's our crazed eyes, but somewhere after 5 minutes and before 10, we both saw the same thing. I have no idea if an evaporation/"ghost" line even translates into a digital image as it does in front of our eyes, but goodness, I'm at a loss. I should've taken a test when I KNEW I wasn't pregnant so I'd have some basis for comparison! Instead we're here over-analyzing. That second line is so faint, but geez, I really think it's there!